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My collection of Soviet jokes

Way back when my channel was centered & themed around Communism, I loved finding and telling different Soviet/Communist jokes and have a small collection of them that I gathered from places around the internet I like to use sometimes, they don't always get laughs, especially from those who don't know that much about communist history, but I find most of them pretty funny.

These ones are actually ones that I had used for a soviet joke command using MEE6 bot in my old Discord server (hence the weird formatting, I had to squish them back to 'one' line), so if you were there between January-March 2019, you may remember some of them.

  • A man walks into a shop. He asks the clerk, “You don’t have any meat?” The clerk says, “No, here we don’t have any fish. The shop that doesn’t have any meat is across the street.
  • An American explains to a Russian that the United States is a truly free country because he can stand in front of the White House and shout “To hell with Ronald Reagan!” The Russian says that this is nonsense because he can easily stand in Red Square and shout “To hell with Ronald Reagan.”
  • A worker standing in a liquor line says: “I have had enough, save my place, I am going to shoot Gorbachev.” Two hours later he returns to claim his place in line. His friends ask, “Did you get him?” “No, the line there was even longer than the line here.”
  • An American dog, a Polish dog, and a Soviet dog sit together. The American dog says “In my country, if you bark long enough, you will be heard and given some meat”. The Polish dog replies “What is ‘meat’?” and the Soviet dog says “What is ‘bark’?
  • A farmworker greets Stalin at his potato farm. “Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader. “But God does not exist,” replies Stalin. “Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”
  • An American is visiting the Soviet Union. He’s taking a train from Leningrad to Kyiv and listening to his handheld radio when a Soviet man leans over to talk to him. “You know, we make those better and more efficiently here in the Soviet Union,” he says. “Oh?” Says the American.“Yes,” the Soviet man responds. “What is it?”
  • Q: What is very large, makes a lot of smoke and noise, takes down 20 liters of gas per hour, and cuts an apple into three pieces? A: The Soviet machine built to cut apples into four pieces.
  • "My wife has been going to the Party’s cooking school for three years," says one Soviet man to another. "She must really cook well by now," says the second man. "No, so far they've only got as far as the bit about the Twentieth CPSU Congress."
  • Under communism, every man has what he needs. That's why the butcher puts a sign up that says "nobody needs meat today."
  • Why do KGB Agents always travel in 3's? 1 to write the report, 1 to read it, and 1 to kill the two others because they already know too much. (I actually told this one to my homeroom teacher, she found it funny... and probably called the FBI after... but at least she laughed!)
  • Why do communists only drink herbal tea? Because proper-tea is theft. 
  • What's 150 yards long and eats potatoes?  A Moscow queue waiting to buy meat. 
  • What did communists use to light their homes with before using candles? Electricity.

Now, if you did find those funny and want to hear some more, you can watch this video of Ronald Reagan telling some of them at his speeches!


702   3 years ago
JJ's first blog post on TT!

I can't believe I founded TinglyTube but still haven't used the blogging feature! Well, I guess better late than never :)

Also, I'd like to make it clear, you can write a blog about really anything, as long as it's not spam or anything like that.

Well bye for now!

663   3 years ago